I'm coining a new phrase that should have self-help gurus rushing to their laptops to pen the next Oprah Book Club best seller. It's called "freelancers' guilt"...
I took a hike today up Runyon Canyon with an actress friend of mine. Here, in the middle of a work day when most of our friends and family were off slaving away in the office, we were soaking up sunshine, getting some exercise and stuffing our faces with Santa Fe Gardenburgers from Astro. You think an activity like this would make you happy. That it would relax you and simultaneously revive your spirit. But not these freaks. So we got to talking about this guilt you have as a freelancer working from job to job and often having tons of free time in between. It's as if you can't sit and enjoy yourself because you're always too busy anxiously thinking about the future.
As a writer, I feel like I have to be doing something proactive all hours of the day, and that a day spent simply enjoying myself will tip the scales of career karma and send me down a dark unemployed shaft from whence I'll never return. It's sick, isn't it? That's when it gets really bad because I start feeling guilty for feeling guilty. This is what I always wanted, right? So the fact that I'm not happy, or more appropriately, anxious and stressed out for no apparent reason, must mean I'm a bad person and deserve to never get another gig again. God, it's ugly.
So if anyone has any advice on how to relive the "freelancers' guilt" so that I can enjoy this time in my life and let the future take care of itself, please pass it on. Or, better yet, write a book about it, send it to Oprah and then have me as a special guest on one of the segments. I could really use the exposure...
