Happy Birthday/Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years.
Follow the directions to fold this card into a bowl for stew.
Merry Christmas. Don't forget, Jesus was homeless too.
Happy Labor Day. NOT!
Follow the directions to fold this card into a trap for rats. To eat.
I know it's your birthday. But you're the one with the job. Get your own friggin' present.
Merry Christmas. That manger is looking pretty good about now, ain't it?
Happy New Year! That's the only thing new you'll be getting this year.
Happy Valentine's Day, sweetheart. I "got" you some diamonds. Now pack a bag quick, we're headed for Mexico.I'm dreaming of a White Christmas. Because my heat is turned off, and I'm succumbing to hypothermia.
Happy Easter. Now shoot that rabbit cause we got to eat.
Christmas is a time of sharing. So can I borrow like 40 bucks?Happy Easter, kids! Now go find the eggs I hid in our neighbor's chicken coop.
Happy Administrative Assistant Day! Oh wait, you watched them walk me out and then took my job. Traitor.
Happy Halloween! Yeah, this is a robber "costume."
Happy Halloween! Now go out and get all the candy you can to resell at the flea market.
Happy Boxing Day. If we celebrate this shit, does that mean we can get free health care?
Happy Election Day. Either way, you're still out of a job.
Happy Thanksgiving! Without the thanks. Or the giving.
Happy Hanukkah! Well, at least we have jobs. [Note: This one penned by my Jewish friend.]
Happy Mother's Day, mom! You've always had a big space in your heart for me. Is there the same amount of space for me in the basement?
Happy Father's Day, dad! Thanks for all the advice and love. Like telling me my degree was worthless. You nailed it. So do you still have that friend at Goldman Sachs that might be able to hook me up in the mail room?
Happy Thanksgiving! This year I'm especially grateful that, while my friends went into student loan debt, I started growing weed. I'm doing GREAT!
I know it's the 4th of July.
I should be having fun eating pie.
But instead I'm so broke,
I'm afraid it's no joke
That I'd sooner just curl up and die.
Happy 40th Wedding Anniversary. Your love is like my job search - endless.
Roses are red, violets are blue, we've shut off your gas, your bill is past due. Cordially, Pacific Gas and Electric.
Happy Valentines Day, my love. Edible panties count as a romantic meal, right?
Happy 4th of July! Although, if we'd stuck with the Brits, mom's diabetes medication would be covered.
Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary! You're love is like my student loans - bottomless.
Happy Grandparents' Day! Um, now how much did you say you were leaving me in the will? Just curious.
Happy retirement! Oh, and Happy 90th Birthday!
Happy Easter. Now is a time for renewal, rebirth, and for me to start using a different last name because the IRS is looking for me. P.S. Burn this card.
Congratulations on Graduation, kiddo! Now if you're thinking of getting your Masters... Don't.