Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Tumble Weeds, Bumble Bees, E.T.s & Celebrities (Welcome to Santa Fe)

Tumbleweeds: Coming down the I5 on our way to Kingman, Arizona, dad and I ran into a bit of trouble once I took over the wheel. Giant tumbleweeds, some the size of sedans, began dodging across the interstate, threatening to ignite a pile up. It was like a game of Frogger. Dad would yell that one was coming from the right, so I'd swerve to the left. If one was coming from the left, I'd quickly change lanes to the right, avoiding fellow cars and other smaller tumbleweeds. For the next hour I'd see cars in the rear-view mirror with giant tumbleweeds stuck to their grill. That and about five rainbows that dotted the sky as the sun shone through the dark storm clouds. Life got even more bizarre once we hit some parts of Route 66 the second day. We kept driving past The Road Kill Cafe, opting out of that unique experience.

Bee: This is the name of the best taco stand in town. I've only been here three days but have eaten there twice. And it even has a drive-thru. I recommend the fish taco on a corn tortilla (skip the special sauce: I don't trust any creamy sauce that claims to be non-dairy, like what the hell is in it, anyway?) with a side of black beans and cilantro lime rice. The place is colorful, clean and they don't frown on this silly white girl when she asks for no cheese. Excellent place to go after a good snowshoeing sesh.

Last night me and the fam went to a documentary screening at their new neighborhood's community center (the pic to the right is of a bedroom in their new home), which is really just a comfy little room with plush chairs and one gigantic television set (future site of our Super Bowl viewing, I'm sure). So we settle in, meet some new folks and suddenly realize that the twenty minute documentary is on Extraterrestrials. That's right folks... Welcome to Santa Fe! When it was over, everyone took turns either sharing their UFO experiences or speaking from a more cynical viewpoint. I loved every second. And don't get me wrong, I am totally open to the idea. I mean, why the hell not? So if you're a UFO reading this right now, what's up and let's do tea sometime.

Celebrities: Well, I saw Natalie Portman in the parking lot of the grocery store, seemingly on her way to the movie theater. Same theater I saw "There Will Be Blood" in: a great movie that is more than worth you're $12/$15. (Paul Thomas Anderson, if you're reading this right now, what's up and let's make babies sometime). I guess she's filming here right now with Jake Gyllenhaal. Shirley McClain also rambles around these part. Probably looking for E.T.s with Dennis Kucinich.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Some days I'm crippled by the most intense desire and exquisite longing for places I've yet to travel, people I've yet to meet, dreams that have yet to be fulfilled and lives I have yet to live. No song has ever touched on this element of my character, which is a little darker and a bit more difficult to comprehend, than this song, "Guaranteed" from songwriter Eddie Vedder and the movie "Into the Wild." Amazing. Beautiful. And so much a part of me, it aches to hear it. I know I rarely go to such cheesy lengths, but I had to share...

"On bended knee is no way to be free
Lifting up an empty cup, I ask silently
All my destinations will accept the one that's me
So I can breathe...

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
Half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
A mind full of questions, and a teacher in my soul
And so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across, in cages they bought
They think of me and my wandering, but I'm never what they thought
I've got my indignation, but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
Underneath my being is a road that disappeared
Late at night I hear the trees, they're singing with the dead

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
Consider me a satellite, forever orbiting
I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me

Check out the video on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3SxCph5I1Q

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Do You Know the Way to Santa Fe?

I'm off again to another Wild West adventure. My cat is currently curled up on my lap praying to the kitty gods that the suitcase I have open is a mere figment of her imagination brought on by an overdose of catnip. This time I'm headed to Santa Fe with a quick stop through the mighty port of San Francisco. My plan of attack while there is to finish a spec script for "House of Payne" and start brainstorming a pilot my writing partner and I are dreaming up. Two words: Psychic Half-sisters. Intrigued? You should be.

Gonna dust off the snowshoes as well and explore the town. I've only ever been there in summer, so I'm sure I'm in for a not-so-pleasant surprise. I'm a California girl and resent having to leave my skirts and shift dresses at home. Love snowshoeing though. Gets the heart rate pumping and the sweat freezes in your crevices creating a very fun situation when it dethaws back at the house, which is, by the way, a hotel since the movers won't be there yet with the furniture.

I'll be back come Super Bowl Sunday and am planning a very humorous blog on organized sports and accepted male butt patting. Something to look forward to. And it's the one time of year I allow myself a single Ruffles potato chip with French onion dip. Can't wait!

Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I recently received an apology from a fella that left me scratching my head. It came via text message and read, "Sorry if you felt duped." Interesting. Not "I'm sorry I duped ya," but "I'm sorry you feel duped." This man should have pursued a career in politics. I mean, what a wordsmith. It's the perfect apology for someone who doesn't desire to apologize at all but wants to appear somehow regretful. I love it. Here's some of my own generic double-talk apolo-geez I've been inspired to develop, and please feel free to use as needed:

1.) I'm sorry you're sad that I ran over your cat.
2.) I'm sorry that rash I gave you irritates your skin.
3.) Sorry you think I'm a ________. (Fill in with whatever superlative works best. I tend to prefer "asshole," an old-fashioned favorite.)
4.) Sorry you feel upset that I gambled away your college fund.
5.) I'm sorry you're hurt that I slept with your best friend.
6.) I'm sorry you feel angry since I broke into your car and stole the new Ipod Touch you got for Christmas.
7.) Sorry you didn't see me at your birthday party, but quite frankly, I forgot and went to get my nails done instead.
8.) Sorry you didn't like hearing me call your mom a fat cow.
9.) I'm sorry you felt that the end of year bonus I gave you wasn't adequate. Have you considered a Kia Spectra instead of a BMW?
10.) Sorry you felt lonely when I left you to pursue my futile music career.

Look, the list goes on and on. And don't forget, when you use them, make sure you do it in text format. It adds more emotional distance and really shows off your modern flair for literacy.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Back in the Saddle

Once again, I'm back in la la land, only this time I have the odd suspicion that I actually missed this place. First off, it's supposed to be in the low to mid 70s this weekend. Hello, McFly, it doesn't get any better than that in the middle of winter. As we made our way back from NorCal you could actually track the changing color of the sky from a misty gray to a red carpet ready blue. Disturbingly cliche thoughts like, "this is the life," and "my future's so bright, I gotta wear shades," pop in your head and refuse to let go with paparazzi-like stubbornness.

Then there's my home, a precious junior one bedroom gem set in the stone face of the Valley. My kitty actually hissed at me as I walked through the door - a first. Now she's stuck to me like Whitney to Bobby, demanding love at all hours of the day and night. I'm emotionally exhausted, but it is nice to lay in my own bed listening to the sounds of the Ventura drag racers zipping past at 2am with my kitty snuggled next to me and a pot of tea making steam on the kitchen window. So I suppose I'm back home for awhile or at least until the road trip with my dad to Santa Fe at the end of the month. Yes, they're moving... again. Freakin' nomads these people.

Wait, shit, major life realization: I too am a nomad. I may have a hut waiting for me in Tinseltown but when you walk into your front door and can't remember where the light switch is, you know you're becoming more and more like your father every day. And he's happy. In fact, him and my stepmom may be two of the happiest people I know. So here's to the life of the wanderer, to gas station bathrooms, busy airports, cats with abandonment issues, friends that actually miss you, suitcases that never have time to be unpacked and, most of all, for the wonderful reasons you wander in the first place. You know who you are. :)

Friday, January 4, 2008

Squall of the Century

Sitting here in Palo Alto, staring out at the storm from hell, I can't help but think about the squall that has been this Blackheart's life. Squalls aren't all that bad, ya see. Remember Lieutenant Dan from "Forrest Gump," on top of that mast crying out for God to give him His best shot, rain pummeling his tattered veteran's jacket, the wind threatening to throw him out to a tumultuous sea? He was rather enjoying himself despite the dire situation. Sure, his heart was as cynical and hard as mine, but life's disasters had only made him more defiant and adventurous. And that's the image I have of myself. Perhaps I should climb up to the roof and see if there's a weather vain that can hold my weight...