Apologeez

I recently received an apology from a fella that left me scratching my head. It came via text message and read, "Sorry if you felt duped." Interesting. Not "I'm sorry I duped ya," but "I'm sorry you feel duped." This man should have pursued a career in politics. I mean, what a wordsmith. It's the perfect apology for someone who doesn't desire to apologize at all but wants to appear somehow regretful. I love it. Here's some of my own generic double-talk apolo-geez I've been inspired to develop, and please feel free to use as needed:

1.) I'm sorry you're sad that I ran over your cat.
2.) I'm sorry that rash I gave you irritates your skin.
3.) Sorry you think I'm a ________. (Fill in with whatever superlative works best. I tend to prefer "asshole," an old-fashioned favorite.)
4.) Sorry you feel upset that I gambled away your college fund.
5.) I'm sorry you're hurt that I slept with your best friend.
6.) I'm sorry you feel angry since I broke into your car and stole the new Ipod Touch you got for Christmas.
7.) Sorry you didn't see me at your birthday party, but quite frankly, I forgot and went to get my nails done instead.
8.) Sorry you didn't like hearing me call your mom a fat cow.
9.) I'm sorry you felt that the end of year bonus I gave you wasn't adequate. Have you considered a Kia Spectra instead of a BMW?
10.) Sorry you felt lonely when I left you to pursue my futile music career.

Look, the list goes on and on. And don't forget, when you use them, make sure you do it in text format. It adds more emotional distance and really shows off your modern flair for literacy.